We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
