I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
