I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
