..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
This is the prime rib incident all over again
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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