yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
