Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just had sex on a roof
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm sobbing to NWA
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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