I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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