He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
