If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Success! We fucked roommates!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
