do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
