he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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