Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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