He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
