Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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