franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm having to shit out rocks
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
