Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
