If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
