Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
