oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
