Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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