I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You need Xanax blowdarts
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
