so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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