I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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