he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize