the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
