You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
