Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
