Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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