Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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