This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
