You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
