I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
