I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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