Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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