Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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