Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
