i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
