You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
