trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
