I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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