wat bout pragnant strippers??
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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