Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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