he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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