I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
