The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
im holly from the hills drunk
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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