She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
