Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
