You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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