So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
