i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
