see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
