I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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