So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
