You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
