I would go down on you faster than GM stock
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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