Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
