All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize