so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize
