We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
