so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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