My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Barsexuality is the new black.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
