Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
