god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
this boner is exhausting
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
