But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I love having hate sex.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
