i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
