If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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