yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
