Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
