apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
pray to the hookup gods
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize