AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Welp...herpes.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
