I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
its not stalking. its research.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
