$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
