Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm really busy with my period
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