i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
